If you ask me, this episode should be called Now That's What I Call Juicy because let me tell you, juicy is what I call it! It truly has it all, as you'll come to read. But right off the bat we know we're in for something special as our eyes are treated to the sight of J.R. and Julie strolling together down a boardwalk on the gulf.
The ascot! The fancy glasses and bubbly! The fur-knit combo featuring Julie's perfectly feathered hair perfectly feathering around her toque! This scene should be narrated by Robin Leach because truly it is some champagne wishes and caviar dreams shit.
Despite the fact that they are in the midst of a perfectly blissful three-day getaway, these two illicit lovebirds can't help but let their insecurities shine through. Julie asks J.R. what he's thinking and feeling about her, for she can never be fully sure where she stands. J.R., meanwhile, asks her to rate Cliff Barnes's nookie game on a scale of 1-10. It's not weird at all!
Speaking of Cliff Barnes and champagne, Cliff Barnes is enjoying some champagne to celebrate his new job as the Chief of the Office of Land Management. Yes, he done sold his soul in order to "bury J.R. Ewing." And I might mean "sold his soul" literally, because the businessman who got Cliff the gig has a real creepy way of talking and staring and gives off some serious Tom Noonan in The House of the Devil vibes.
The next morning, Sue Ellen and her baby bump answer the telephone because, you see, it was ringing. It's Cliff! But he's calling for his sister Pam. I guess Cliff and Sue "just the marbles" Ellen are truly over.
More importantly (although truly, is anything more important than Sue Ellen Ewing? no) this scene establishes that there is a mysterious man in a van listening to Cliff's phone calls. Now that's what I call foreshadowing!
ATTENTION PLEASE: we have reached the beefcake portion of the show! Bobby has daringly unbuttoned his shirt rather low, right there in the Ewing Oil offices.
He and Ray are discussing plans for building Ray's house--remember that l'il chunk o' land Jock bestowed upon the ranch hand to
Really, though, I appreciate the show's repeated use of callbacks. Sure, plotlines are generally resolved quickly and characters often up and disappear completely, but a reference to someone or something from a previous episode enriches the world of the show and really gives it a soap opera feel. This is especially true in "The Red File" not only because of the Garnet reference, but also because of, you know, the red file. The one that's got J.R.'s secret paperwork in it. And, of course, there's Julie herself, who has, uh, returned and who knows just where that paperwork is.
Although he doesn't know about the red file, Ray knows that something's up at Southfork. Roughnecks--particularly one Charlie Waters--have been spotted out at a remote corner of the property poking around. We know that those oil crews have been hired by J.R., who wants to tap that land after Jock dies. Now that's what I call dramatic irony! Bobby agrees to quietly help Ray with his investigatin'.
Cliff holds a meeting in his new office and we are given visual proof of the massive amounts of power he now wields: behold, y'all, the padfolios and pen holders! And the positively enormous ashtrays! And *squints* by gorsh...are those women? In a business-flavored meeting? Dallas continues to inch its way toward a Ms. Magazine sponsorship and I love it.
One of the women even speaks!
Ray heads to a bar in search of roughneck Charlie Waters (listen, they say "roughneck" about fifty times in this episode so I, too, will say it every time it's applicable) and he finds him...or more like roughneck Charlie Waters's fist finds Ray's face! The roughnecks beat Ray up but good for stickin' his nose in their bidness. He's got shiny shiners everywhere.
Bobby tells him he shouldn't be "playing Barnaby Jones" all by himself, a statement from which I suppose we can surmise that Bobby watches Barnaby Jones. Finally Bobby does something I approve of! But it's here, dear reader, that I must confess my shame; whenever I mention my beloved geriatric detectives (and mention them often, I sure do), I automatically go to Columbo and Jessica Fletcher. Occasionally I will add Matlock for a little pizazz, although I admit, I think the theme song is the best part of that show. Doesn't it just make you want to don a seersucker suit and dance under a full Georgia moon? Then there's that surprise slide whistle ending (not a euphemism) and it never fails to startle. Anyway, my point is that I have greatly neglected Barnaby Jones over the years whilst pontificating on geriatric detectives. Is Barnaby himself not the very model of a geriatric detective? Indeed he is. I can make one vow today: I will neglect him no more! (I just felt a disturbance in the force, which is all of my friends shuddering at the thought of having to hear about Buddy Ebsen and/or Barnaby Jones in the future.)
J.R. and Julie have returned home from their getaway only to catch some respective winds: J.R. learns of Ray's investigatin' and sends roughneck Charlie Waters off to Mexico. Julie learns that another J.R. henchman--or someone, at any rate--snooped through her apartment while she was away. But oh ho ho, she is unconcerned! "You'll never find it," she says, "'cause you don't know where to look." Now that's what I call solid reasoning! The "it" is the key to a locker that presumably contains the red file, and she's got it taped to the underside of a jewelry box. So clever, Julie, but this isn't just marbles. This is a dangerous game you play!
At lunch, Julie happens to run into Cliff Barnes. It's no surprise--after all, we should know by now how much Cliff loves lunch. They're friendly and a bit flirty. She's got a job interview, which Cliff finds surprising. She's not working for Ewing Oil? Why, she's gorgeous enough to be their vice president! And being gorgeous is really the only qualification one needs for the job. Our current vice president is proof enough of that. Cliff reminds Julie that he's always open to buying whatever Ewing secrets she's selling, but she says he can't afford it...to which Cliff replies that she simply hasn't been hurt by J.R. enough yet. Across the way, a man very, very, very, no really so very casually watches them.
unnoticeable
That fellow is an oil crony of J.R.'s, and he warns J.R. that he needs to be wary of Julie. What if she's giving away all their secrets to Cliff? J.R. doesn't seem very worried, and when he mentions it to Julie that night it's more of a flirt than it is a confrontation. And she flirts right back with a "well you had someone snoop through my apartment while I was gone" and J.R.'s is all "who, me?" and no this relationship isn't toxic at all, why do you ask?
Then J.R. leans in and asks Julie what Cliff is like. You know. What is he like sexually. Julie laughs it off and J.R. insists she tell him. Between this and the "rate Cliff 1-10" he brought up earlier...look, in case he's reading this, I have to say: J.R., if you want to kiss Cliff Barnes so badly then just tell him! Y'all could stop the fussin' and the feudin' and get to huggin'! Sheesh. Those two, I swear.
"Okay, I'll be me and you be Cliff. JUST FOR PRETEND. I hate him so much I want to know what it'd be like to sleep with him, that's all hahaha. What?"
Later, as he's getting ready to leave, J.R. casually tells Julie that she should sleep with Cliff again to get some secrets out of him during pillow talk. Lest Julie think this is a slimy offer, J.R. insists that he will pay her well for her services. Julie, nude and enjoying some post-fornication bed cheese (as you do) says it all without saying a word.
"Da--and I cannot stress this enough--fuq?"
Of course, she does then say a word, and that word is "no."
A few minutes later she says some more words to Cliff's answering machine: it seems that J.R.'s attempt at pimping her out is the last straw (like we haven't heard that before, Julie) and she's ready to sell dem secrets. She also sticks that locker key in an envelope, addresses it to someone, and drops it in the mailbox. You might think all of this is important, but the truly important thing about this scene is that Julie has yet another robe that is color coordinated with her telephone. She might be playing dangerous games, but she knows how to live, baby!
At Southfork, Bobby learns that Jock fired roughneck Charlie Waters years earlier after he stole some tools. He shouldn't be on their property at all! He confronts J.R. about it and J.R. pleads ignorance. Bobby gets heated and when J.R. saucily said "Are you gonna punch me out?" I felt so good that someone was finally acknowledging Bobby's insane temper and the way he always Hulks out and immediately wants to deck people.
HEY remember the man in the can we saw earlier? The one who tapped Cliff's phone line? Well natch he heard Julie's message about selling secrets...but he doesn't tell J.R. He tells J.R.'s oil cronies! They show up at Julie's apartment and tell her to pack a bag and split right now...and this shit turns into a horror movie for a minute.
Julie escapes out of her apartment's back door (an apartment in a high rise apartment building has a back door? sure, I guess)! But there's another oil crony waiting at the bottom of the stairwell! He starts to chase her!
She ends up on the roof, amongst the shadows and under a full moon!
There's nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide! Cliff has arrived and finds Julie's apartment empty. He doesn't know she's right there up above running for her life!
The oil cronies catch her, and they've got black gloves and everything. We're in cowboy giallo country!
There's a tussle, a fall, and...a splat. Julie, you've only just returned but already you're leaving us for Heaven. I assume.
The next morning, Julie's death is front page news. As it should be.
Everyone is shocked, no one more than J.R., who excuses himself for some privacy and some booze. Dare I say--is that almost a tear in his eye? Is J.R. actually having...feelings?
He and Julie did almost marry once, and she knew all his weird sexual proclivities. It's probably the closest J.R. has ever come to--or will ever come to--actually loving someone, which is sad if you think about it. But he's a monster, so who cares.
The van man finally reports to J.R. about Julie's phone call to Cliff. Yes, even the van man is a dirty double dealer! I'm surprised that it's The X-Files that's known for "trust no one" and not Dallas. Here's the thing about that message Julie left on the answering machine: we know she was talking about J.R., but she never mentions him by name so it sounds like she's blackmailing Cliff, not agreeing to work with him. J.R. is convinced that Cliff has killed Julie. Or at least that's what he's going with.
Detectives had called Cliff in for some questions, because he was seen at Julie's apartment the night before. But then J.R. tips them off about that answering machine message and apparently that's enough evidence to arrest Cliff for murder. His disheveled hair and tie (not to mention that five o'clock shadow) signify that he is not having a good time!
Pam visits him in the clink and Cliff explains how J.R. tapped his phone and set him up, and that Julie was ready to reveal all the dirty Ewing secrets. Pam gets back to Southfork that evening and takes a moment in the driveway to compose herself. Look at this dramatic lighting, with her face half in shadoe! It's, you know, like a visual representation of Pam's two inner halves at odds with each other. Can she be a Barnes and a Ewing? Will she ever find peace in this family?
BOY OH BOY do we get an answer to that. Pam is in a rage like we've never seen her in before: it's a calm fury, if you know what I mean. It's not her patented righteous anger tears, oh no. She doesn't cry. She doesn't blink. She. Is. Furious.
She lays into J.R.: he framed her brother because he knew Cliff would show that "the Ewing empire is built on deceit and downright theft."
Jock immediately butts in with "That's enough of that, Pam!" but she keeps going.
"You'd rather have Cliff dead than have the world find out how rotten the Ewings really are!" she says and storms out and it's possible that I squealed with delight.
She goes to her room and packs a damn bag, and when Bobby tries to stop her because this shouldn't come between them, she turns that calm fury on her husband. "I don't know if I can be married to a Ewing!" she says, and she keeps on packin'.
She heads out the door, gets in her Corvette, and for a moment I thought she was going to stop herself from leaving. But she doesn't stop herself! In fact, she fucking peels out and is gone. It's the best thing that's happened on this show so far!
J.R. and Sue Ellen watch her go. "That's no loss," he says, and the look Sue Ellen gives him is absolute perfection.
"What kinda man are you, anyway?" she says, and I should have turned off the DVD right there. I should have ended this entire series right there, because how could it get better? Sue Ellen is openly disgusted with and sneering at J.R. Pam has peeled out of the Ewing family at long, long last. It's a perfect ending!
But I didn't stop the DVD. J.R. and Sue Ellen went back inside Southfork for dinner. Pam, like Julie, will return and once again become entangled with these truly awful people. And as the voiceover fatefully said during the episode-ending freeze-frame, we'll be back next week for the conclusion of this storyline.
I can't wait!
