2.16 - JULIE'S RETURN

Original airdate: January 26, 1979

Let me just say right up front that in these uncertain times, I appreciate an episode title that leaves me feeling quite certain that I know what I'm gonna get. Some lady named Julie is gonna return!

In case you can't remember who exactly this so-called "Julie" is (how dare you forget her??), she is the ex-lover and ex-secretary of one mister J.R. Ewing. We last saw her all the way back in episode 1.3 ("Spy in the House"), wherein she got fed up with J.R., then slept with Cliff Barnes and gave him some incriminating paperwork, for which Pam got blamed. Julie's returning, you see, to Dallas, to Dallas, and to our hearts. Will she return to Cliff's bed? To J.R.'s bed? Or has she set her sights higher?

Thanks to her last appearance, we know that she is a wiz at coordinating her eyeshadow with her bedsheets. Upon her return, we learn that she is also a wiz at coordinating her sweaters with her telephone. Is there anything this woman can't do?

She's on the phone with the maître d' at the Cattlemen's Club, asking that he call her should Jock Ewing ever show up there. It seems to me that the maître d' probably has enough going on and shouldn't have to add this to his list of tasks? But what do I know, add it he does.

Before Bobby and Pam leave for their tennis date, Jock asks his son about...horse stuff...or cow stuff? I don't know...as Bobby insists it's all been done already or will be done tomorrow without Jock's help. The truly important thing here is that Pam looks great, even against a brown car interior.

Inside Southfork, the Daughters of the Alamo are having a wee meeting. We learn that one of the Daughters is rebelling against the idea that they are only a political body when they're supporting their husbands' positions (puke). "What about our positions? Our opinions?" she says. Who is this feminist hero? Why, it's none other than the Alpha Queen in Purple that we met in the last episode!

As you can see, she's wearing purple again and she means business. Sue Ellen, perhaps still smarting from the shit-talk of the Bitches Who Lunch but too polite to say anything, shoots eye daggers at her. Or perhaps Sue Ellen despises/envies a Dallas society woman who refuses to accept gender inequality. Whatever it is, my mind has embiggened this rivalry and I want it to last and last, although I am 100% sure that this is probably the last we will see of it.

Jock wanders in for a drink and right there in front of all these women Miss Ellie tells him he's only allowed to have soda and suggests he go take a nap like a big, old baby. He wanders outside, where Lucy is having a pool party (she has friends? sure). He tries to pick up a li'l barbecue grill but Lucy stops him, because it will be too much effort for his old man body. A virile teen male moves it instead, and I am here for Jock getting infantilized at every turn. I hope you know that this is solely because I think Jock is a jerk.

Case in point: that night at dinner, Jock goes on about how he can't wait for his grandson to bust out of Sue Ellen's womb place. "What if it's another granddaughter?" Lucy says.

Sue Ellen shuts down this slight hint of women's libbery with a snippy "Hush up, Lucy." Lucy and I both seethe.

Miss Ellie keeps harping on Jock. No salt! No meetings! No this! No that! And finally Jock has had it. "Day I start taking orders from anybody is the day they bury me!" he yells and storms out. I wonder how he would feel about the need for face masks in the Time of Corona. Pam would wear a mask, and she'd eventually convince Bobby to wear one. Lucy might, but only if it was sparkly or some shit. The rest of them? At the risk of sounding like Meryl Streep at the end of Doubt, I have doubts.

Anyway, the truly important thing about this dinner scene is that Pam looks great.

Jock defies his wife and goes to a meeting at Ewing HQ, wherein the oil guys tell him that his ways are the ways of the past, man. Now it's all about fracking. I felt my blood turn to ice at the mention of that word! (Meanwhile, RuPaul was dialing up Ewing Oil to do some bidness.) After the meeting, Jock's pal Punk is not available for lunch so Jock heads to the Cattleman's Club on his own. You know what this means: Commissioner Maître D' lights up that Julie signal!

She saunters in and just happens to see the elder Ewing, then just happens to stop by his table to apologize for that whole giving away company secrets thing. Jock chalks it up to politics--why, surely they've done damage to Cliff Barnes in the past (ya think??) so it was fair play. "Welcome home, Julie," he says, and for some reason Julie suddenly gets the soft focus treatment. I can't tell if it's meant to be alluring, like a love-vision or something, or it's a mistake, or maybe it's an indicator that Jock is developing cataracts? Choose your own adventure, reader!

She reminds Jock of his younger, manlier days when he fought a fire for three days straight with no food or sleep, and he is so taken that he not only decides to accompany her while she shops, they decide to meet for lunch again the following day. In a Three's Company-esque moment of shock (or something...you know, milder than that), Pam and Bobby arrive to dine at the very same restaurant!

Bobby shows concern over the return of this spy in the house, but Pam is decidedly less concerned, but she looks great. Unlike Sue Ellen, she doesn't seem to hold a grudge. She should! At the least it might get her out of Southfork somehow.

Jock was supposed to meet Bobby at the Ewing offices later that day, but he doesn't show. He's still with Julie, and he doesn't care! "You're the first woman that ever made me miss an appointment," he tells her, which I guess is a compliment. When he finally shows up at Southfork hours later, J.R. and Bobby try to talk to him about his behavior, but he blows them off, only intimating that he had a "real good day."

J.R. cannot let this stand, of course. He heads straight to Julie's and waits as someone delivers flowers to her. Flowers he ordered. Did he truly mean to welcome her back? Or was it simply a ruse to get his foot literally in her door when she opened it? He is forever an enigma, our J.R. So is 70s decor. Witness: the enormous butterfly wall sculpture in Julie's kitchen. And yes, we are still in brown town. And yes yes, Julie is once again coordinated with her phone. She is living the life!

Anyway, J.R. kinda puts the moves on her but also kinda wants to know what she's doing with his daddy but also kinda really wants to know what she's gonna do about the Red File. You might think this is another accessory to match her telephone and outfits but no--the Red File, if you'll remember from episode 2.12 ("Fallen Idol") (how dare you forget??) has to do with the fake will J.R. made in Jock's name that will allow him to drill on Southfork land once Jock croaks. Julie teases as to whether or not she'll rat J.R. out about the Red File, which doesn't seem like a good idea to me. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it seems like a very bad idea. If J.R. thinks you're a threat, at the least he'll destroy you professionally! And Julie should be particularly mindful of this: as she's been spending all of her time since returning to Dallas with Jock, she hasn't even found a job yet.

As for all that time she spending with Jock, Julie says that "his wife treats him like a child. His children treat him like an invalid. I treat him like a man." Again, I felt my blood turn to ice!

J.R. puts the moves on again and Julie stops him. While she used to be happy with whatever time he afforded her, she also felt used and it's over. Things are gonna be different now, see? Different! J.R. leaves, but not before dumping his drink in the flowers he bought for her and reminding her that he always gets what he wants. Look, we're halfway through Season 2 and so far, he's not wrong. I think Pam's continued presence is his only failure, but this just proves that her power is unworldly.

The next morning, Jock returns from a jog--ah, Julie has filled him with such youthful vigor!--and J.R. confronts him about Julie, warning that she's "dirt" and only wants "money...and more money."

Jock no care! Me Jock, me see Julie "today, tomorrow, the next day, whenever [me] damn please!" He also threatened to kick J.R.'s as and while I am not one to condone violence, I admit I would absolutely devour a scene of Jock and J.R. fist-fighting. A whole episode, even. A whole season!

J.R. sees no recourse but to narc on his daddy to his mama. Miss Ellie asks Jock what he's been doing in all of his time away from Southfork and the family. As he ties the littlest necktie, he tells her what he apparently told her when they married: I account to no woman for my time." He leaves, and here I am feeling strange. I loathe both of the elder Ewings and I should love to see strife between them! But I get all hear me roar whenever Jock's sexist attitude flares up, and in this episode that means by default I'm siding Miss Ellie, which is something I never want to do. There is a dissonance, reader, and it's very jarring. Couldn't they just murder each other for my sake?

Instead, Miss Ellie calls Julie and summons her to Southfork. Julie is dressed to kill (those boots!) but lets Miss Ellie know that she and Jock are just friends. Everyone around them is too busy to see their pain and loneliness (I feel like this probably only applies to her?) and they hang out and respect each other. That's all! It's not what you think! Miss Ellie responds that it's "far more serious." If only Julie were a common floozy or tramp!

Also...I don't know if it's quarantine brain talking or what, but in these last couple of episodes I've found the environments so suffocating. I know I've mentioned the dreaded brown, but it's more than that. Every room is stuffed to the rafters with..stuff...that doesn't match and there's no rhyme or reason and there's patterns and florals and gewgaws and telephones everywhere and it's making me crazy!

Anyway. Jock heads to the Ewing offices for a meeting and in one shot the "scenic view" out the window is so very obviously a paper backdrop that it soothed my jangled nerves and filled me with glee and something I haven't felt in months: hope for our future.

Bobby, too, questions Jock about his relationship with Julie, and Jock...well, he says this:

"Even if I was cheating on your mama--which I'm not!--you should be able to understand."

Does he mean that he, like, has eminent domain over women and so he can cheat on/sleep with whomever he pleases whenever he pleases? Or does he mean that Miss Ellie is so awful that Bobby should understand if Jock is driven into the arms of another woman? I am not one to condone cheating, of course, but if he's saying the latter, well, he certainly has a point.

Speaking of Miss Ellie, she shows up at the office looking for her husband. She tells him she saw Julie and while she explained their "friendship," she knows it won't stop there (my blood...she is ice again). She tells him in an ultimatum-y way (ie there was dramatic music playing) that dinner at Southfork is at six. Jock splits--he's got other plans! Miss Ellie is so emotional and so shocked by this betrayal, she slightly opens her mouth.

The clock strikes six and in the Southfork dining room, no one speaks. All around the Jock-less table, there is only the sound of the scraping of fancy utensils on fancy plates. At length, Lucy excuses herself. Finally J.R. has had enough of the furtive glances, the meaningful looks. He's gonna say what they're all thinking! Miss Ellie can't handle it and bolts from the room. Bobby can't handle it and immediately tries to fight J.R. Pam can't handle it, but more importantly she does look great. She screams at her husband--her ever-violent husband with the hair trigger temper--and then goes to see Miss Ellie.

She reminds Miss Ellie--and me, unfortunately--of the, uh, heartwarming story Mater Ewing told her back in episode 2.3 ("Old Acquaintance") (how dare you forget??) about how she horse-whipped Jock into submission once upon a time. "What happened to that woman?" Pam wants to know. That woman should be in jail! But instead, that woman is inspired and heads to Julie's to reclaim her man...violently, if she must!

This show, I swear. I love it!

At Julie's, she and Jock are also eating in silence. It seems that this May-December Friendship is at an end. Before he leaves, Jock gives her a necklace. Whether or not it was originally intended as a goodbye gift, that's what it is now. Julie cuddles Jock's hand and then cuddles the necklace after he leaves. It's weird both times.

She's not alone for long, however. J.R. has been waiting in the shadows, and now it's time to strike! He forces his way inside her apartment! He grabs her! She insists she doesn't want him anymore, but she totally does! The episode ends on a freeze-frame of them...kissing? I guess...and I wonder why he can't have a physical interaction with her that isn't painful looking. Oh well. There goes my blood again...pure ice!