2.18 - THE RED FILE part two

Original airdate: February 9, 1979

Last week's episode "The Red File: Part One" was so exhilarating, it reminded me of biting into a York Peppermint Pattie! The uncomfortable-osity of being confronted with J.R.'s kinks, the thrill of watching Pam leave Southfork and the Ewing family, the shock of Julie Grey's death: I felt all of these sensations and many more. It stands to reason, then, that I anticipated this episode like it was...like it was...well, like it was going to be another York Peppermint Pattie, I suppose. With Cliff in jail, framed for Julie's murder, and Pam striking out on her own, I was ready for fireworks! Did I get 'em? I guess you'll have to read on and see, won't you? 

We are 18 episodes into the second season and Dallas is really pushing the "Bobby beefcake cam" at every opportunity! Whether he's getting dressed or undressed or simply "being casual," he's wearing his shirt unbuttoned an awful lot these days. Oh la la, scandale!

He's been real mad at his family since Pam left, to the point where he's (GASP) not joining the others for breakfast. Jock thinks this is what his son deserves for marrying a Barnes girl, but Miss Ellie can't comprehend why Bobby says he would "resign from the Ewing family if he could." Bobby tells her the family will do anything and hurt anyone in their desire for money and power, and yes, apparently it has only just occurred to him that they're like this. Miss Ellie blows off his concerns, particularly when it comes to the Barneses; Digger would have ended up a drunk even if Jock didn't cheat him out of money and oil rights! J.R. probably didn't frame Cliff for Julie's murder, that's just Cliff looking for a scapegoat! "Don't let your problem with Pam turn you against your own family," she tells him, and it seems that Miss Ellie has finally ascended into her "Mafia Don" final form. I wonder how people felt about her back in 1979. You know, regular weekly viewers. Did they actually like this woman and her husband? The very notion boggles my mind. 

Pam is holed up in a hotel. Well, "holed up" makes it sound as if she's done something wrong, and we all know that she's so not wrong, no one's ever been righter. Or something. The point is, Bobby calls to tell her that The Store wants her to take a leave of absence until this whole "Cliff is a murderer" business blows over. Poor Pam! Her brother framed. Temporarily losing her job. And when she tells her husband that she needs time and space, he says he'll see he later that day and he hangs up. I'm pretty sure Pam and I had the same facial expression through all of this. Just swap out the fancy pink satin bathrobe with my shameful Covid-19 ensemble and this could be a photo of me. Honest!

Bobby isn't the only steamed ham person under the Southfork roof, nor is he the only person who skipped the family breakfast. Sue Ellen is mad about J.R.'s treachery toward Cliff, and she is lounging in bed telling him so.

Sue Ellen is sassin' him real good and givin' him what for with all kinds of "oh, you think you're so big" and the such. I mean, just look at her, also in pink satin! (I wonder if she and Pam got a BOGO deal à la Payless Shoes?) She pushes her luck too far, though, when she plays the "UR just jealous" card, as if that's why J.R. is going through all of this trouble to land Cliff in jail. I'm sure that Sue Ellen's affair with Cliff hurt J.R.'s ego in some way, but it's certainly not because he's so in love with Sue Ellen. And he tells her as much: "Don't flatter yourself, sugar," he says, and goes on to compare her to an oil lease. She's just another disposable Ewing asset. Sue Ellen never gets the last word / sick burn when sparring with her husband, but I sure hope she keeps trying because I live for it.

J.R. also gets into it with Bobby, repeating what he said at the end of the previous episode: Pam's leaving Southfork is no big loss. Bobby is immediately overcome with his patented Eyes of Madness, and I'm shocked no punches were thrown. 

Bobby finally meets up with Pam, who tells him that she's not ready to go back to Southfork yet. First of all, she's only been gone for like ten minutes. Second, her brother is sitting in jail, accused of murder because of someone else who lives at Southfork. And then there are all the other shitty people at Southfork, like Jock, who barely tolerates her. It's a den of snakes! Who can blame her for leaving and staying away? Her husband, that's who, who says she's just looking for excuses. He's there, after all. Isn't that enough reason to come back?

I will point this out now...I have pointed this out in the past...I will point this out again in the future and, I'm sure, later in this very recap: they could just move. They could just move out of Southfork! Bobby could visit his family as often as he pleases, Pam could never see them again unless maybe she felt like being nice at the holidays or something, and they would have the actual freedom to, oh, I don't know, eat fucking breakfast or dinner whenever and wherever they wanted without two crotchety old bastards being all "where were you???? We had breakfast and you weren't there! HOW DARE YOU! Make sure you're here for dinner promptly at six o'clock. Well, for cocktails first and then for drinks." I'm sorry, I'll simply never get over this, even though it's one of the foundations of the show. The only reasonable way for Dallas to end, in my opinion, is with a mushroom cloud to appear over Southfork when Pam (or Sue Ellen or Lucy) has finally had enough. I can't wait!

Bobby (this is a very Bobby-centric episode, much to my chagrin) visits Cliff in the clink and asks how he can help because he's really into the idea of having a friendship with Cliff lately, I guess. Cliff refuses a Ewing lawyer and Ewing money; the only help he'll accept from the family that set him up is them finding out who really killed Julie Grey.

And if it's gonna happen, it'd better happen fast, because we're already in the "examining trial" phase of this saga! I had no idea what that was or if it was real, so I looked it up. It's very real, and it seems to be a Texas thing. Bravo, writers! In the examining trial, witnesses and evidence are presented to a judge, who determines if there was probable cause for the arrest, and whether the case should move before a grand jury. 

District Attorney Sloan--played by Charles Siebert, whom you will recognize immediately because he's been in a million TV shows but you won't be able to recall any of them specifically--gets a doctor to reveal on the stand that Julie had bruises on her arms and her face, as if she'd been grabbed and hit before she died.

Everyone in the peanut gallery looks very sad and uncomfortable about this, especially Sue Ellen, who wants to leave. She can't, though, because J.R. is going to testify and he needs her to play the doting wife. "Look on it as a wonderful lesson in civics," he says with a smirk. "You can help Lucy with her government class." And Sue Ellen and Lucy...

Those two shots are my highlight of the episode, honestly. There have been several instances of Sue Ellen looking at J.R. and others like that and I hope that by the end of this series I have a gallery of them that numbers in the thousands.

J.R.'s testimony sure is incriminating. Julie resigned from Ewing Oil after she had an affair with Cliff and gave him confidential documents that she stole--confidential documents that contained incriminating information on Cliff himself! I feel like that last bit is a lie, but what even is the truth anymore? The tapestry of backstabbings and double-crossings and deceptions and fakeries is never-ending. And so beautiful. 

Cliff's best friend Bobby retrieves Cliff's mail from his apartment and oh ho HO, what's this in Cliff's letter pile? Why, it's that envelope that Julie mailed in "The Red File: Part One"! 

I love that the props folks put very little effort into the other envelopes. Look at the next letter in the pile! That is a truly half-assed attempt at an address.

Our poor Julie may have been a fool for love, but she was not a fool for intrigue! Or something. Anyway, she mailed him a pawn shop ticket and a key to an attaché case. Bobby heads out to retrieve whatever it is while Pam prepares to testify.

Also, can we just talk about the fact that Julie was only in her new apartment for what, a month at most? And already she has either ordered and received personalized stationery OR she got a personalized rubber stamp. Either way, she was truly a glamorous angel and we didn't deserve her. Gone too soon but in our hearts forever, or at least until the next episode. 

Bobby has opened up his shirt again (beefcake alert) for his big pawn shop visit. It turns out that the attaché contains--yes, you guessed it--photocopies of the contents of the titular Red File. Bobby gets a load of the fake will J.R. made for their daddy and heads to Ewing HQ to confront his brother. 

J.R. clarifies in J.R. fashion that it's not a forgery, it's a business maneuver! This doesn't make it okay for Bobby, who asks J.R. flat out if he murdered Julie. "I've never killed anybody in my life," J.R. replies. "Not even in the war!" and...whoa. Whoa, right?? J.R. is a war veteran? What in the Private Benjamin hell?? I want my "J.R. shows up to boot camp in an ascot" prequel now, please. I wonder if this is the first and last we'll hear of this. 

Anyway, J.R. finally tells Bobby about the man in the van, who told him about the message on Cliff's answering machine. But it's also apparent that the man in the van told someone else about the message on Cliff's answering machine. Bobby heads to the man in the van's office to find out about the mystery person(s), and if you assumed that Bobby threatened violence two seconds into the conversation, well, then you've been watching Dallas! 

He finds out that the van man was also working for J.R.'s oil cartel cronies, so he heads to their office to punch talk sense into them. Here we meet another one of Dallas's great bit players, whom I shall call Great Value Jessica Lange. She's the secretary for the cronies, and let me tell you, the actress goes all in and makes the most of her one scene. She is practically eating Bobby with her eyes! And after she tells him that the cronies are heading to the airport to catch a plane to Alaska, he gives her a Benjamin and tells her to buy some more of that perfume she's wearing...and she practically eats that money with her mouth!

Meanwhile, Pam is on the stand. She has obviously tried to camouflage herself by matching the brown tones of the wood paneled courtroom in the hopes that the district attorney wouldn't find her, but alas. She  reluctantly testifies about Cliff's affairs and how he didn't help her when she was blamed for stealing the documents that Julie took from Ewing Oil. 

We see you, girl

It's not looking great for Cliff; the wire tap on his phone may have been illegal, but it seems that the answering machine tape will be entered into evidence regardless. But! Super Bobby called a pal of his who is head of airport security and got him to delay the oil cronies. Bobby confronts them with evidence from the Red File: they've been paying off politicians and doing crooked deals. They tell him that Julie's death was an accident, and Bobby tells them they need to turn themselves in. With a simple confession, they'll get manslaughter. With the Red File evidence, it'd be Murder One, baby! And yes, Bobby has conveniently omitted all the evidence that implicates his own brother in any wrongdoing. 

Dumb and Dumber

The cronies confess, Cliff is free to go, and Bobby won't tell him or Pam what he did or what he found at the pawn shop. In fact, he demands J.R.'s copy of the fake will and he burns them both. "For the first time in my life, I know exactly what you're all about," he tells J.R. Say what? This is the first time? Apparently Bobby has not been watching Dallas.

Pam and Bobby meet up, and Bobby still won't tell her about the Red File. It's fine if they have secrets from each other, so long as they love each other. That's enough, right? I mean, I agree with Bobby here. Everybody knows that the #1 relationship advice is "keep secrets from each other." Keep as many secrets as possible, I say! Are you a werewolf? A vampire? A chupacabra? Don't tell your spouse! Let it be your secret. Just love them, and that will be enough.

I thought Pam would end up back at Southfork for sure, but I never should have doubted my queen. Even though Cliff is free, she's not ready to live under the same roof as J.R. She shouldn't be expected to! Again: they could just move. They don't have to live at Southfork for fuck's sake! But Bobby doesn't understand this at all, and any doubts he had about his family at the beginning of the episode have been totally erased, even though J.R. has been proven to be a slimeball criminal. "I was a Ewing when you married me and I'll be a Ewing until I die," he says. Pam can either get on board with that or not! And reader, he turns around and walks away. He walks away! And leaves Pam there to cry. In that coat!

This terrible ending is even terribler after the dizzying high of the ending of last week's episode. Now we have to see her feeling bad when she absolutely should not feel bad, and next week she'll come crawling back I'm sure. This is an indignity. I knew I should have stopped watching after she peeled out of that driveway! 

2.17 - THE RED FILE part one

Original airdate: February 2, 1979

If you ask me, this episode should be called Now That's What I Call Juicy because let me tell you, juicy is what I call it! It truly has it all, as you'll come to read. But right off the bat we know we're in for something special as our eyes are treated to the sight of J.R. and Julie strolling together down a boardwalk on the gulf.

The ascot! The fancy glasses and bubbly! The fur-knit combo featuring Julie's perfectly feathered hair perfectly feathering around her toque! This scene should be narrated by Robin Leach because truly it is some champagne wishes and caviar dreams shit.

Despite the fact that they are in the midst of a perfectly blissful three-day getaway, these two illicit lovebirds can't help but let their insecurities shine through. Julie asks J.R. what he's thinking and feeling about her, for she can never be fully sure where she stands. J.R., meanwhile, asks her to rate Cliff Barnes's nookie game on a scale of 1-10. It's not weird at all!

Speaking of Cliff Barnes and champagne, Cliff Barnes is enjoying some champagne to celebrate his new job as the Chief of the Office of Land Management. Yes, he done sold his soul in order to "bury J.R. Ewing." And I might mean "sold his soul" literally, because the businessman who got Cliff the gig has a real creepy way of talking and staring and gives off some serious Tom Noonan in The House of the Devil vibes.

The next morning, Sue Ellen and her baby bump answer the telephone because, you see, it was ringing. It's Cliff! But he's calling for his sister Pam. I guess Cliff and Sue "just the marbles" Ellen are truly over.

More importantly (although truly, is anything more important than Sue Ellen Ewing? no) this scene establishes that there is a mysterious man in a van listening to Cliff's phone calls. Now that's what I call foreshadowing!

ATTENTION PLEASE: we have reached the beefcake portion of the show! Bobby has daringly unbuttoned his shirt rather low, right there in the Ewing Oil offices.

He and Ray are discussing plans for building Ray's house--remember that l'il chunk o' land Jock bestowed upon the ranch hand to trap him at Southfork forever thank him for years of service? Ray is unsure he wants to stay at Southfork though, as he's still stinging over his sweetie Garnet McGee canoodling with J.R. Who can blame him? She's an electrifying performer and a powerful singer! Also she is Kate Mulgrew.


Really, though, I appreciate the show's repeated use of callbacks. Sure, plotlines are generally resolved quickly and characters often up and disappear completely, but a reference to someone or something from a previous episode enriches the world of the show and really gives it a soap opera feel. This is especially true in "The Red File" not only because of the Garnet reference, but also because of, you know, the red file. The one that's got J.R.'s secret paperwork in it. And, of course, there's Julie herself, who has, uh, returned and who knows just where that paperwork is.

Although he doesn't know about the red file, Ray knows that something's up at Southfork. Roughnecks--particularly one Charlie Waters--have been spotted out at a remote corner of the property poking around. We know that those oil crews have been hired by J.R., who wants to tap that land after Jock dies. Now that's what I call dramatic irony! Bobby agrees to quietly help Ray with his investigatin'.

Cliff holds a meeting in his new office and we are given visual proof of the massive amounts of power he now wields: behold, y'all, the padfolios and pen holders! And the positively enormous ashtrays! And *squints* by gorsh...are those women? In a business-flavored meeting? Dallas continues to inch its way toward a Ms. Magazine sponsorship and I love it.

One of the women even speaks!

Ray heads to a bar in search of roughneck Charlie Waters (listen, they say "roughneck" about fifty times in this episode so I, too, will say it every time it's applicable) and he finds him...or more like roughneck Charlie Waters's fist finds Ray's face! The roughnecks beat Ray up but good for stickin' his nose in their bidness. He's got shiny shiners everywhere.

Bobby tells him he shouldn't be "playing Barnaby Jones" all by himself, a statement from which I suppose we can surmise that Bobby watches Barnaby Jones. Finally Bobby does something I approve of! But it's here, dear reader, that I must confess my shame; whenever I mention my beloved geriatric detectives (and mention them often, I sure do), I automatically go to Columbo and Jessica Fletcher. Occasionally I will add Matlock for a little pizazz, although I admit, I think the theme song is the best part of that show. Doesn't it just make you want to don a seersucker suit and dance under a full Georgia moon? Then there's that surprise slide whistle ending (not a euphemism) and it never fails to startle. Anyway, my point is that I have greatly neglected Barnaby Jones over the years whilst pontificating on geriatric detectives. Is Barnaby himself not the very model of a geriatric detective? Indeed he is. I can make one vow today: I will neglect him no more! (I just felt a disturbance in the force, which is all of my friends shuddering at the thought of having to hear about Buddy Ebsen and/or Barnaby Jones in the future.)

J.R. and Julie have returned home from their getaway only to catch some respective winds: J.R. learns of Ray's investigatin' and sends roughneck Charlie Waters off to Mexico. Julie learns that another J.R. henchman--or someone, at any rate--snooped through her apartment while she was away. But oh ho ho, she is unconcerned! "You'll never find it," she says, "'cause you don't know where to look." Now that's what I call solid reasoning! The "it" is the key to a locker that presumably contains the red file, and she's got it taped to the underside of a jewelry box. So clever, Julie, but this isn't just marbles. This is a dangerous game you play!

At lunch, Julie happens to run into Cliff Barnes. It's no surprise--after all, we should know by now how much Cliff loves lunch. They're friendly and a bit flirty. She's got a job interview, which Cliff finds surprising. She's not working for Ewing Oil? Why, she's gorgeous enough to be their vice president! And being gorgeous is really the only qualification one needs for the job. Our current vice president is proof enough of that. Cliff reminds Julie that he's always open to buying whatever Ewing secrets she's selling, but she says he can't afford it...to which Cliff replies that she simply hasn't been hurt by J.R. enough yet. Across the way, a man very, very, very, no really so very casually watches them.

unnoticeable

That fellow is an oil crony of J.R.'s, and he warns J.R. that he needs to be wary of Julie. What if she's giving away all their secrets to Cliff? J.R. doesn't seem very worried, and when he mentions it to Julie that night it's more of a flirt than it is a confrontation. And she flirts right back with a "well you had someone snoop through my apartment while I was gone" and J.R.'s is all "who, me?" and no this relationship isn't toxic at all, why do you ask?

Then J.R. leans in and asks Julie what Cliff is like. You know. What is he like sexually. Julie laughs it off and J.R. insists she tell him. Between this and the "rate Cliff 1-10" he brought up earlier...look, in case he's reading this, I have to say: J.R., if you want to kiss Cliff Barnes so badly then just tell him! Y'all could stop the fussin' and the feudin' and get to huggin'! Sheesh. Those two, I swear.

"Okay, I'll be me and you be Cliff. JUST FOR PRETEND. I hate him so much I want to know what it'd be like to sleep with him, that's all hahaha. What?"

Later, as he's getting ready to leave, J.R. casually tells Julie that she should sleep with Cliff again to get some secrets out of him during pillow talk. Lest Julie think this is a slimy offer, J.R. insists that he will pay her well for her services. Julie, nude and enjoying some post-fornication bed cheese (as you do) says it all without saying a word.

"Da--and I cannot stress this enough--fuq?"

Of course, she does then say a word, and that word is "no."

A few minutes later she says some more words to Cliff's answering machine: it seems that J.R.'s attempt at pimping her out is the last straw (like we haven't heard that before, Julie) and she's ready to sell dem secrets. She also sticks that locker key in an envelope, addresses it to someone, and drops it in the mailbox. You might think all of this is important, but the truly important thing about this scene is that Julie has yet another robe that is color coordinated with her telephone. She might be playing dangerous games, but she knows how to live, baby!

At Southfork, Bobby learns that Jock fired roughneck Charlie Waters years earlier after he stole some tools. He shouldn't be on their property at all! He confronts J.R. about it and J.R. pleads ignorance. Bobby gets heated and when J.R. saucily said "Are you gonna punch me out?" I felt so good that someone was finally acknowledging Bobby's insane temper and the way he always Hulks out and immediately wants to deck people.

HEY remember the man in the can we saw earlier? The one who tapped Cliff's phone line? Well natch he heard Julie's message about selling secrets...but he doesn't tell J.R. He tells J.R.'s oil cronies! They show up at Julie's apartment and tell her to pack a bag and split right now...and this shit turns into a horror movie for a minute.

Julie escapes out of her apartment's back door (an apartment in a high rise apartment building has a back door? sure, I guess)! But there's another oil crony waiting at the bottom of the stairwell! He starts to chase her!

She ends up on the roof, amongst the shadows and under a full moon!

There's nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide! Cliff has arrived and finds Julie's apartment empty. He doesn't know she's right there up above running for her life!

The oil cronies catch her, and they've got black gloves and everything. We're in cowboy giallo country!

There's a tussle, a fall, and...a splat. Julie, you've only just returned but already you're leaving us for Heaven. I assume.

The next morning, Julie's death is front page news. As it should be.

Everyone is shocked, no one more than J.R., who excuses himself for some privacy and some booze. Dare I say--is that almost a tear in his eye? Is J.R. actually having...feelings?

He and Julie did almost marry once, and she knew all his weird sexual proclivities. It's probably the closest J.R. has ever come to--or will ever come to--actually loving someone, which is sad if you think about it. But he's a monster, so who cares.

The van man finally reports to J.R. about Julie's phone call to Cliff. Yes, even the van man is a dirty double dealer! I'm surprised that it's The X-Files that's known for "trust no one" and not Dallas. Here's the thing about that message Julie left on the answering machine: we know she was talking about J.R., but she never mentions him by name so it sounds like she's blackmailing Cliff, not agreeing to work with him. J.R. is convinced that Cliff has killed Julie. Or at least that's what he's going with.

Detectives had called Cliff in for some questions, because he was seen at Julie's apartment the night before. But then J.R. tips them off about that answering machine message and apparently that's enough evidence to arrest Cliff for murder. His disheveled hair and tie (not to mention that five o'clock shadow) signify that he is not having a good time!

Pam visits him in the clink and Cliff explains how J.R. tapped his phone and set him up, and that Julie was ready to reveal all the dirty Ewing secrets. Pam gets back to Southfork that evening and takes a moment in the driveway to compose herself. Look at this dramatic lighting, with her face half in shadoe! It's, you know, like a visual representation of Pam's two inner halves at odds with each other. Can she be a Barnes and a Ewing? Will she ever find peace in this family?

BOY OH BOY do we get an answer to that. Pam is in a rage like we've never seen her in before: it's a calm fury, if you know what I mean. It's not her patented righteous anger tears, oh no. She doesn't cry. She doesn't blink. She. Is. Furious.

She lays into J.R.: he framed her brother because he knew Cliff would show that "the Ewing empire is built on deceit and downright theft."

Jock immediately butts in with "That's enough of that, Pam!" but she keeps going.

"You'd rather have Cliff dead than have the world find out how rotten the Ewings really are!" she says and storms out and it's possible that I squealed with delight.

She goes to her room and packs a damn bag, and when Bobby tries to stop her because this shouldn't come between them, she turns that calm fury on her husband. "I don't know if I can be married to a Ewing!" she says, and she keeps on packin'.

She heads out the door, gets in her Corvette, and for a moment I thought she was going to stop herself from leaving. But she doesn't stop herself! In fact, she fucking peels out and is gone. It's the best thing that's happened on this show so far!

J.R. and Sue Ellen watch her go. "That's no loss," he says, and the look Sue Ellen gives him is absolute perfection.

"What kinda man are you, anyway?" she says, and I should have turned off the DVD right there. I should have ended this entire series right there, because how could it get better? Sue Ellen is openly disgusted with and sneering at J.R. Pam has peeled out of the Ewing family at long, long last. It's a perfect ending!

But I didn't stop the DVD. J.R. and Sue Ellen went back inside Southfork for dinner. Pam, like Julie, will return and once again become entangled with these truly awful people. And as the voiceover fatefully said during the episode-ending freeze-frame, we'll be back next week for the conclusion of this storyline.

I can't wait!

2.16 - JULIE'S RETURN

Original airdate: January 26, 1979

Let me just say right up front that in these uncertain times, I appreciate an episode title that leaves me feeling quite certain that I know what I'm gonna get. Some lady named Julie is gonna return!

In case you can't remember who exactly this so-called "Julie" is (how dare you forget her??), she is the ex-lover and ex-secretary of one mister J.R. Ewing. We last saw her all the way back in episode 1.3 ("Spy in the House"), wherein she got fed up with J.R., then slept with Cliff Barnes and gave him some incriminating paperwork, for which Pam got blamed. Julie's returning, you see, to Dallas, to Dallas, and to our hearts. Will she return to Cliff's bed? To J.R.'s bed? Or has she set her sights higher?

Thanks to her last appearance, we know that she is a wiz at coordinating her eyeshadow with her bedsheets. Upon her return, we learn that she is also a wiz at coordinating her sweaters with her telephone. Is there anything this woman can't do?

She's on the phone with the maître d' at the Cattlemen's Club, asking that he call her should Jock Ewing ever show up there. It seems to me that the maître d' probably has enough going on and shouldn't have to add this to his list of tasks? But what do I know, add it he does.

Before Bobby and Pam leave for their tennis date, Jock asks his son about...horse stuff...or cow stuff? I don't know...as Bobby insists it's all been done already or will be done tomorrow without Jock's help. The truly important thing here is that Pam looks great, even against a brown car interior.

Inside Southfork, the Daughters of the Alamo are having a wee meeting. We learn that one of the Daughters is rebelling against the idea that they are only a political body when they're supporting their husbands' positions (puke). "What about our positions? Our opinions?" she says. Who is this feminist hero? Why, it's none other than the Alpha Queen in Purple that we met in the last episode!

As you can see, she's wearing purple again and she means business. Sue Ellen, perhaps still smarting from the shit-talk of the Bitches Who Lunch but too polite to say anything, shoots eye daggers at her. Or perhaps Sue Ellen despises/envies a Dallas society woman who refuses to accept gender inequality. Whatever it is, my mind has embiggened this rivalry and I want it to last and last, although I am 100% sure that this is probably the last we will see of it.

Jock wanders in for a drink and right there in front of all these women Miss Ellie tells him he's only allowed to have soda and suggests he go take a nap like a big, old baby. He wanders outside, where Lucy is having a pool party (she has friends? sure). He tries to pick up a li'l barbecue grill but Lucy stops him, because it will be too much effort for his old man body. A virile teen male moves it instead, and I am here for Jock getting infantilized at every turn. I hope you know that this is solely because I think Jock is a jerk.

Case in point: that night at dinner, Jock goes on about how he can't wait for his grandson to bust out of Sue Ellen's womb place. "What if it's another granddaughter?" Lucy says.

Sue Ellen shuts down this slight hint of women's libbery with a snippy "Hush up, Lucy." Lucy and I both seethe.

Miss Ellie keeps harping on Jock. No salt! No meetings! No this! No that! And finally Jock has had it. "Day I start taking orders from anybody is the day they bury me!" he yells and storms out. I wonder how he would feel about the need for face masks in the Time of Corona. Pam would wear a mask, and she'd eventually convince Bobby to wear one. Lucy might, but only if it was sparkly or some shit. The rest of them? At the risk of sounding like Meryl Streep at the end of Doubt, I have doubts.

Anyway, the truly important thing about this dinner scene is that Pam looks great.

Jock defies his wife and goes to a meeting at Ewing HQ, wherein the oil guys tell him that his ways are the ways of the past, man. Now it's all about fracking. I felt my blood turn to ice at the mention of that word! (Meanwhile, RuPaul was dialing up Ewing Oil to do some bidness.) After the meeting, Jock's pal Punk is not available for lunch so Jock heads to the Cattleman's Club on his own. You know what this means: Commissioner Maître D' lights up that Julie signal!

She saunters in and just happens to see the elder Ewing, then just happens to stop by his table to apologize for that whole giving away company secrets thing. Jock chalks it up to politics--why, surely they've done damage to Cliff Barnes in the past (ya think??) so it was fair play. "Welcome home, Julie," he says, and for some reason Julie suddenly gets the soft focus treatment. I can't tell if it's meant to be alluring, like a love-vision or something, or it's a mistake, or maybe it's an indicator that Jock is developing cataracts? Choose your own adventure, reader!

She reminds Jock of his younger, manlier days when he fought a fire for three days straight with no food or sleep, and he is so taken that he not only decides to accompany her while she shops, they decide to meet for lunch again the following day. In a Three's Company-esque moment of shock (or something...you know, milder than that), Pam and Bobby arrive to dine at the very same restaurant!

Bobby shows concern over the return of this spy in the house, but Pam is decidedly less concerned, but she looks great. Unlike Sue Ellen, she doesn't seem to hold a grudge. She should! At the least it might get her out of Southfork somehow.

Jock was supposed to meet Bobby at the Ewing offices later that day, but he doesn't show. He's still with Julie, and he doesn't care! "You're the first woman that ever made me miss an appointment," he tells her, which I guess is a compliment. When he finally shows up at Southfork hours later, J.R. and Bobby try to talk to him about his behavior, but he blows them off, only intimating that he had a "real good day."

J.R. cannot let this stand, of course. He heads straight to Julie's and waits as someone delivers flowers to her. Flowers he ordered. Did he truly mean to welcome her back? Or was it simply a ruse to get his foot literally in her door when she opened it? He is forever an enigma, our J.R. So is 70s decor. Witness: the enormous butterfly wall sculpture in Julie's kitchen. And yes, we are still in brown town. And yes yes, Julie is once again coordinated with her phone. She is living the life!

Anyway, J.R. kinda puts the moves on her but also kinda wants to know what she's doing with his daddy but also kinda really wants to know what she's gonna do about the Red File. You might think this is another accessory to match her telephone and outfits but no--the Red File, if you'll remember from episode 2.12 ("Fallen Idol") (how dare you forget??) has to do with the fake will J.R. made in Jock's name that will allow him to drill on Southfork land once Jock croaks. Julie teases as to whether or not she'll rat J.R. out about the Red File, which doesn't seem like a good idea to me. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it seems like a very bad idea. If J.R. thinks you're a threat, at the least he'll destroy you professionally! And Julie should be particularly mindful of this: as she's been spending all of her time since returning to Dallas with Jock, she hasn't even found a job yet.

As for all that time she spending with Jock, Julie says that "his wife treats him like a child. His children treat him like an invalid. I treat him like a man." Again, I felt my blood turn to ice!

J.R. puts the moves on again and Julie stops him. While she used to be happy with whatever time he afforded her, she also felt used and it's over. Things are gonna be different now, see? Different! J.R. leaves, but not before dumping his drink in the flowers he bought for her and reminding her that he always gets what he wants. Look, we're halfway through Season 2 and so far, he's not wrong. I think Pam's continued presence is his only failure, but this just proves that her power is unworldly.

The next morning, Jock returns from a jog--ah, Julie has filled him with such youthful vigor!--and J.R. confronts him about Julie, warning that she's "dirt" and only wants "money...and more money."

Jock no care! Me Jock, me see Julie "today, tomorrow, the next day, whenever [me] damn please!" He also threatened to kick J.R.'s as and while I am not one to condone violence, I admit I would absolutely devour a scene of Jock and J.R. fist-fighting. A whole episode, even. A whole season!

J.R. sees no recourse but to narc on his daddy to his mama. Miss Ellie asks Jock what he's been doing in all of his time away from Southfork and the family. As he ties the littlest necktie, he tells her what he apparently told her when they married: I account to no woman for my time." He leaves, and here I am feeling strange. I loathe both of the elder Ewings and I should love to see strife between them! But I get all hear me roar whenever Jock's sexist attitude flares up, and in this episode that means by default I'm siding Miss Ellie, which is something I never want to do. There is a dissonance, reader, and it's very jarring. Couldn't they just murder each other for my sake?

Instead, Miss Ellie calls Julie and summons her to Southfork. Julie is dressed to kill (those boots!) but lets Miss Ellie know that she and Jock are just friends. Everyone around them is too busy to see their pain and loneliness (I feel like this probably only applies to her?) and they hang out and respect each other. That's all! It's not what you think! Miss Ellie responds that it's "far more serious." If only Julie were a common floozy or tramp!

Also...I don't know if it's quarantine brain talking or what, but in these last couple of episodes I've found the environments so suffocating. I know I've mentioned the dreaded brown, but it's more than that. Every room is stuffed to the rafters with..stuff...that doesn't match and there's no rhyme or reason and there's patterns and florals and gewgaws and telephones everywhere and it's making me crazy!

Anyway. Jock heads to the Ewing offices for a meeting and in one shot the "scenic view" out the window is so very obviously a paper backdrop that it soothed my jangled nerves and filled me with glee and something I haven't felt in months: hope for our future.

Bobby, too, questions Jock about his relationship with Julie, and Jock...well, he says this:

"Even if I was cheating on your mama--which I'm not!--you should be able to understand."

Does he mean that he, like, has eminent domain over women and so he can cheat on/sleep with whomever he pleases whenever he pleases? Or does he mean that Miss Ellie is so awful that Bobby should understand if Jock is driven into the arms of another woman? I am not one to condone cheating, of course, but if he's saying the latter, well, he certainly has a point.

Speaking of Miss Ellie, she shows up at the office looking for her husband. She tells him she saw Julie and while she explained their "friendship," she knows it won't stop there (my blood...she is ice again). She tells him in an ultimatum-y way (ie there was dramatic music playing) that dinner at Southfork is at six. Jock splits--he's got other plans! Miss Ellie is so emotional and so shocked by this betrayal, she slightly opens her mouth.

The clock strikes six and in the Southfork dining room, no one speaks. All around the Jock-less table, there is only the sound of the scraping of fancy utensils on fancy plates. At length, Lucy excuses herself. Finally J.R. has had enough of the furtive glances, the meaningful looks. He's gonna say what they're all thinking! Miss Ellie can't handle it and bolts from the room. Bobby can't handle it and immediately tries to fight J.R. Pam can't handle it, but more importantly she does look great. She screams at her husband--her ever-violent husband with the hair trigger temper--and then goes to see Miss Ellie.

She reminds Miss Ellie--and me, unfortunately--of the, uh, heartwarming story Mater Ewing told her back in episode 2.3 ("Old Acquaintance") (how dare you forget??) about how she horse-whipped Jock into submission once upon a time. "What happened to that woman?" Pam wants to know. That woman should be in jail! But instead, that woman is inspired and heads to Julie's to reclaim her man...violently, if she must!

This show, I swear. I love it!

At Julie's, she and Jock are also eating in silence. It seems that this May-December Friendship is at an end. Before he leaves, Jock gives her a necklace. Whether or not it was originally intended as a goodbye gift, that's what it is now. Julie cuddles Jock's hand and then cuddles the necklace after he leaves. It's weird both times.

She's not alone for long, however. J.R. has been waiting in the shadows, and now it's time to strike! He forces his way inside her apartment! He grabs her! She insists she doesn't want him anymore, but she totally does! The episode ends on a freeze-frame of them...kissing? I guess...and I wonder why he can't have a physical interaction with her that isn't painful looking. Oh well. There goes my blood again...pure ice!